


better than me

by hatzy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, caleb does a dumb but the universe is like lol nope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatzy/pseuds/hatzy
Summary: Nott didn't know when she started this story that she would find out stuff about Caleb that would shock her she honestly thought the story he told her about him being sad was just that a story. Little did she know it was the truth…





	better than me

**Author's Note:**

> writing angst is fun for me/ the idea started and i couldnt stop going.

Nott didn't know when she started this story that she would find out stuff about Caleb that would shock her she honestly thought the story he told her about him being sad was just that a story. Little did she know it was the truth… 

The story goes Caleb met the love of his life a while back almost four years ago, he met a charming half orc at the docks,  he just wanted some fish cheeks for frumpkin who trailed behind him and was currently pawing at a loose piece of rope. Caleb couldn't take his eyes away from this man almost too beautiful for his own good he looked up with a devil may care smile that knocked Caleb back a bit mentally. 

“Can I help you?” His voice was low rich with a twang he wasn't the most familiar with but he wanted to hear every word in this man's vocabulary in this voice.  

“Yeah I was wondering if you had any left over fish heads my cat quite enjoys the cheek meat… I can exchange some coin for the heads not much but some” Caleb stumbled through asking for something so simple this man screwed him over and he's barely said a word.

“How about, in exchange for the two fish heads I have left you give me your name? And a date?” The man grew a slow smile at the proposition bending over to grab a small canvas bag and two fish heads they would have used for bait but they won't miss when trawling through the sea for burley.

“Caleb Widogast, and meet you at The Three Fletcher's tavern in about an hour or so..” Caleb said, his voice grew in pitch as if to make it a question. 

Now Nott did not know this man's name for a few reasons all of them to do with Caleb, but the main one was that Caleb choked up everytime he tried to say his name. So Nott only knew this man was beautiful half orc and Caleb broke his heart to let him go do what he loved. But just the secret for the two of us, it was Fjord and him being back around Caleb broke his heart with every laugh and smile he heard. 

And their first date was a disaster according to Caleb, he was late and there was a fight in the middle of the tavern but it wasn't important in their relationship, it grew into something easy, something that worked, Fjord was on the boats four days on three days off, and often came to see Caleb when he was off. 

Caleb worked at a local book store not enough to earn anything to save but enough to keep him on his feet with a place to sleep and a way to continue his interrupted learning, and sometimes seeing Fjord at his door with a few fish heads, most of the time pre filleted for him and the sweat meat sometimes also smoked as they sampled the sweet meat, he understood why Frumpkin enjoys the meat of the cheeks. 

The relationship grew fast and hard, and Caleb fell hard, and fast laying in bed watching the man before him sleep in front of him memorising each scar on his body, he knew Fjord inside and out. His heart ached knowing that Fjord loved to be on the water so much. Caleb knew he loved the water by the longing looks at the bay, but Caleb wanted to reach out travel. He's been learning cantrips, trying to learn spells for years. There was a breakthrough the past week, and Caleb knew it wasn’t fair to expect Fjord to follow, gods he wanted Fjord to follow, but Fjord's heart was with the water expecting him to leave with him was only kicking his inevitable heartbreak down the river so he made a choice. 

A choice he regrets, a choice he lives with everynight in his sleep when he sees the broken face. A choice that causes him to choke up. Instead of talking to Fjord about the possible ideas, instead of talking he made the decision to run. But he needed to do one thing before he ran, something that let fear gnaw at his bones the sadness gripped at his fingertips like feeling of a cold snow falling from the sky. Reaching out to touch Fjord he could already feel them warming up against his cheek, Caleb held his tears in savouring this moment, this quiet one, basking in quiet snore of Fjord. He dared to smile pressing closer to Fjord relaxing into him.

 

Fjord grinned as he walked up to Caleb's small room above the bookstore he worked at, knocking before he opened the door. “Darlin’?” Fjord said.

“In here...” Caleb shouted from his bedroom with a small thud. 

Fjord walked to the small room his heart sinking at the site before him a small backpack packed. “Going somewhere?” Fjord looked at Caleb's eyes and he could already see the fractured soul under them. 

“Yes… We need to end this Fjord...” Caleb said slowly his tongue felt thick in his mouth as he took a few steps to Fjord. 

“Why?” Fjord closed the gap between them talking Caleb's hands carefully.    
“I’m going out to get some books a few towns over… And I’m moving that way, you should stay here where your happy...” Caleb tried closing his eyes looking away. 

“I’ll go with you. I can find work somewhere I’m sure there's a butcher, a fish monger.” Fjord's grip tightened on Caleb's hands the callous hands warming Caleb's heart a touch before he stomped out his hope. 

“There's someone else… I’m leaving for them...” Caleb didn't let his tears fall he couldn't. He knew that Fjord can easily see through him that if he allows that he's fucked. 

“There's someone else? Do you love them?” Fjord dropped Caleb's hands, his head processing this thought of his Caleb with someone else. 

“Yes.” Caleb kept his head down down. “I’m sorry Fjord.” ‘ _ I can’t let you follow me, I have to go where you can not follow’ _ The unspoken words ringing in his head breaking his heart when he looked up to his most beloved, broken hearted before him. “I didn't want to just leave I wanted to tell you.”

“They don’t know how lucky they are to hold your heart.” Fjord’s face painted with sadness. “I may not have held it but I know how much I..” Fjord choked on his words tears starting to fall. “I should go...”

“I wish you luck Fjord. Find someone better than me.” Caleb's word rung heavy in the room before Fjord left the door closing softly behind him. 

Caleb sunk down on the bed tears falling hard each sob coming up harder than the last,  Caleb basked in the sadness letting it eat at his fingertips letting it reach his heart by the next morning there was a numbness around him. Getting out of the bed sleeplessly he picked up his pack his two books and left the town. 

 

Fjord noticed Caleb as soon as they walked down to that tavern, he looked just as rough around the edges as before, he was in need of a shave and maybe  a haircut but those blue eyes looked just as shattered as the last time he saw him it had been years, and Caleb had barely changed apart from his new companion, who made him laugh softly as he stole one piece of food. 

Caleb was well aware of who was watching him when they sat down and the day had come where they ran into each other again. This woman Jester seemed to make Fjord happy which made a small part of Caleb's heart beat faster as he fought the urge to get up and walk away again.  Fjord looked the same but different there was something he couldn't place, he had  a few new scars maybe that's it?

 

Caleb was pulled away from the others as soon as Fjord could get him away. “Caleb?” Fjord asked his voice testing the waters.

“Fjord.” Caleb looked up at him soaking in the newer scars. “What happened to the boats?”

“Not much… Wheres the one you love?” Fjord's voice coming out harsher than he meant it to. 

“There was never someone else… I... I’m not brave...” Caleb mumbled the familiar statement Fjord knew all too well. 

“What do you mean?” Fjord pressed.

“There was never another person Fjord, I was going where you couldn't follow..” Caleb brushed past him  making his way up to his room in a mad dash his heart cracking. Sliding down the door to his retreat he mumbled. “Fuck...” He could feel the tears pulling open the wound that had tried to hide from Nott for too long. 

Notts arms wrapping around Caleb's shoulders silently holding him close as he cried. She knew in this moment the moment post Caleb avoiding Fjord, to seeing them together, it wasn't hard for her to put two and two together. 

“Fjord is the half orc you fell in love with isn't he?” Nott whispered running her fingers gently through Caleb's hair. 

“Yeah… He is..” Caleb leans into the touch tears still falling. “I was hoping to never see him again...”

“I know you were...” Nott smiled softly at him. “If you want we can leave..” Caleb shook his head. “Okay then...”

 

“Caleb look out!” Fjord shouted as Caleb got hit by a gnoll he collapsed down to the ground not far in front of him.  _ ‘I am not brave’ _ the words rung out in Fjord's head as he dashed to him, pulling him out of the battle. “Caleb please wake up… Darlin’” 

Caleb's head rested in Fjord's lap lifeless, Fjord slapped him softly. “Please Darlin’ Love, wake up… Don’t leave now..” Fjord's voice cracked unknowingly guiding him him back. Caleb seemed to be breathing and somewhat stable as Fjord picks Caleb in the bridal position as he got him to Jester to heal him up. 

“Oh noes,” Jester mumbled as she cast cure wounds the spell took effect but Caleb still stayed asleep, Fjord brushed his hair from his face carefully Whispering memories to Caleb. The sight made jesters heart break for them as She knew Caleb did the same to Fjord recently.

Fjord pressed a soft kiss to Caleb's cheek. “Please wake up love.” He whispered pressing his forehead to Caleb's. “I forgive you...” Fjord didn't know when the tears started falling but a tear fell gently on Caleb's cheek as he woke up. 

“What did I do to get that...” Caleb mumbled barely awake  his eyes opening to see Fjord so close to him. 

“You stayed this time around...” Fjord pressed a soft kiss against Caleb's lips. “Don't run again please...” 

Caleb pulled Fjord back down into another kiss mumbling into it. “I won't.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me cry/smile
> 
> Cheers  
> hatzy


End file.
